this life is a journey.

the wreckers make me happy.

im having a weird morning. woke up feeling SO nauseous.
went back to sleep hoping to get better so i could make it to church to sing 2nd hour.
woke up again, still felt nauseous, more than before. ugh.
just woke up again, still feel nauseous and my head hurts now too.
plus, i feel a lot of other things. my head is in a weird place this morning.
or maybe my heart.... maybe both.
im insecure today. more than ever.
im alone today. & its making me realize im still hurting. a lot.


i feel like i can trust anyone. im just going to get betrayed. ive been betrayed a good bit...
i feel like im not worth it. i KNOW i am. but i dont know that i completely believe i am, yet.
i feel like i get taken advantage of. people abuse the parts of me, that God has given me for good. so not fair.
i feel like im not ready to give up, to let go. i know im not. i should be. why wouldnt i be?? God has proved SO much more for me.
i feel, i feel, i feel...
i could go on & on. these are my insecurities. they tie into my fears. theyre emotions. theyre not based on truth. and God wants to break them, because they are lies.
i know theyre lies, yet i still find myself struggling with them so often. im human.
BUT God is not human. and He is mighty to save. oh, How He loves us.

as i worshipped on the marietta square last night, with fellow believers, i found myself giving everything up to God. i dont want control any longer. i dont want to believe the lies that the devil is feeding me. he wants me to feel this way. i refuse. i refuse to let him take over my thoughts & emotions. i KNOW truth, but i need to start BELIEVING truth. meditating on it constantly. surrounding myself with others who are doing the same. [thank you God for community.] but this morning, i found myself worrying. which is not allowing God to take over. i guess it will be a daily battle. we are in a spiritual battle. every second. and God is more powerful. WAY. but i still have to surrender constantly if i want God to consume me. i do. so, so much. when i am satisfied in the Lord and what HE says about me, i am so incredibly joyful.


+++story time. so encouraging. i have a friend. hes awesome. and i have had the opportunity to be a light to him when he is surrounded by darkness. He knows the Lord, but is not walking in His promises, as so many arent. saddening, but so easy to get caught up in. ive been doing it for a while now. yesterday, as we were talking about things, he encouraged my heart more than anyone has lately. he said, "tessa, there is just something about you and emma that is contagious, it makes me want to be a happier person, it makes me want to seek the Lord. your joyfulness almost never leaves your presence. even when your not joyful, you are. i want to be around you and emma all the time because i cant get enough of you guys. you make everyone around you smile. and that says something..." the words arent exact. but very close. because i treasured that encouragement like never before. (emma, i hope ive told you this story before you read it here.) but man, can you believe it? you go about your days trusting in the Lord's promises and who HE says you are, and that is what is portrayed to others. God is SO good. [God, continue to strengthen my faith in you, that everyone might see this joy that my friend is talking about.] what a blessing.+++

this is such a long post. i feel like my attitude from the beginning is so gone. what great God we serve. He led me to blog, because i honestly didnt feel like it, but something was drawing me to it. duh, [thanks God.] and He changed my heart and mindset for the day through it. i am in awe by who He is. i hope you are too. blessings.

'Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
Salvation is here

:::You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.::: Psalm 16:11

im completely thankful for the Lord's provisions. and hearing emily anne's story from africa made me realize how truly blessed we are here in america. and how often we take for granted God's blessings. always wanting & needing more than what He provides us with on a daily basis. how often do you really thank the Lord for His blessings? and how often are you REALLY content with those blessings? here in america we are so accustomed to bigger, better, prettier, more expensive, etc.. im frustrated with the american way. im frustrated with myself. im frustrated that i so quickly forget my riches in Him and desire more riches in this world. i truly desire joy to the highest degree- a joy that is impenetrable by this world's standards & expectations.

"True joy is NOT an emotional state. It is a spiritual state - a state of profound thanksgiving for the help received from the Creator in one's own life." coming from someone is who is SO driven by emotions, this hit home. finding joy in the Lord really is the only true joy. and from that true joy we find in the Lord, stems happiness in our lives. apart from the Lord, we have no good thing. oh but america, just society in general WILL try to convince you otherwise. we have all been sucked into this trap. and we will continue to. it takes true security & joy in Him to know who you are & WHOSE you are and know that that is good enough. it always will be. im just so very blessed. the Lord keeps surprising me with the way He was been growing me in Him. as i said in my last blog, His character just proves to be more and more sufficient. and His character is showing up in others. it is possible for me to find people who are as invested in this life as i am. who want to serve and praise next to me. who also want true joy found in Him. who arent saying "maybe later...", they desire the Lord's blessings NOW, they desire to praise Him, give Him the glory for all He has done for us. i praise the Lord for these people. they have given me a reason to celebrate His mercies. they have blessed me with their encouragement, love, and community. i am finding true joy in Him. and He is making my days more joyful by blessing me with everything i need. right here in atlanta, ga. and now im ready to start passing on this joy to others. EVERYONE should know and believe in this true joy that is found in our Lord Jesus!! He is worthy to be praised!!

i am not conformed to this world. i am transformed as i renew my mind to God's Word. i experience the good and acceptable and perfect will of God. [[refers to romans 12:2]]

:::May those who delight in my vindication shout for joy and gladness; may they always say, "The LORD be exalted, who delights in the well-being of his servant."::: Psalm 35:27

let me know how i can be praying for you, my friends. call me, text me, write me on facebook, or better- lets get coffee or icecream, etc.. i wanna hear about what the Lord is teaching you. i want to experience joy with you. love you guys. whomever you may be.

-tess

God has been using a lot of different people to confirm some things He wants me to do. and its thrilling. ive decided to change my major from nursing to psychology so that i can then get certified to be a christian counselor/psychologist. and i will be focusing on kids mostly. thats where my heart is. i always thought that i was supposed to be a nurse, but i never really felt like that was what God was calling me to be. and even though it seemed like the most logical choice for helping people over the past year God has been changing my heart and has been helping realize my options. im really SO excited. i cant wait to start this new chapter. i mean, its still school. but i am going to adore it so much more. ive never been so excited to do something for my entire life. for real.

and.... i need some prayer on this one please... but im really praying about taking the semester off to do some missions work and travel a bit. and also do some volunteering around here with some organizations that do awesome stuff for people. ive realized that when i stop thinking about myself so much and help others that my world really is better. im doing what God created me to do. im glorifying Him in the best way possible. and all my problems and insecurities get put aside because there are so many people in need of a Savior. in need of love. its humbling. and brings you to a place where youve never been happier, because well... He made us to serve my friends! and that looks different for everyone.

::1 Peter 4:10- Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. ::

God is confirming in that verse that it looks different for everyone, but that we should use what He has given us to serve others. i just want to serve. ive been too selfish lately. and God has been making me aware.

::food for thought:: what is God making you aware of lately? and how you can use that to serve others better?

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this somewhat goes in another direction, so its like two blobs [em ;)] in one. but its been awhile, so i suppose its ok. and plus, i can do whatever i want. teehee. :)

im so blessed. thats all i can think about right now. how blessed i am to amazing friends [hi emma. :)] who know me. who understand where im at. who want to challenge me. who help me challenge them. who love the Lord and want Him to be a part of our friendship at all times. i adore what the Lord is doing. He's proving to me that He really does KNOW what He's doing. [why did i ever doubt this?]

He knows me. thats amazing. and im getting to know Him. and His character is proving to be so sufficient.
[again, why did i ever think differently?] im silly. and i like to do things my own way. i think i always assumed the Lord didnt care about the details of my life, that he only cared about the obvious things. but He is proving me wrong right down to the very smallest of details. He cares about my life. and....He cares about my love life. [thats a toughie.] but He does. He is a romantic God. and He knows EXACTLY what i need. that is SO thrilling. every time ive really stepped aside and let God be in control, He has always wowed me in some way or another. why do i forget that? oh yeah. im a sinner. and i have a need to control. but He is breaking me of it.

::food for thought:: what is it that you need to release to God today?


what an awesome God i have.

what an awesome God WE have!!! Rejoice!!

:: Psalm 66:5- Come and see what God has done, how awesome his works in man's behalf! ::