this life is a journey.

im having a weird morning. woke up feeling SO nauseous.
went back to sleep hoping to get better so i could make it to church to sing 2nd hour.
woke up again, still felt nauseous, more than before. ugh.
just woke up again, still feel nauseous and my head hurts now too.
plus, i feel a lot of other things. my head is in a weird place this morning.
or maybe my heart.... maybe both.
im insecure today. more than ever.
im alone today. & its making me realize im still hurting. a lot.


i feel like i can trust anyone. im just going to get betrayed. ive been betrayed a good bit...
i feel like im not worth it. i KNOW i am. but i dont know that i completely believe i am, yet.
i feel like i get taken advantage of. people abuse the parts of me, that God has given me for good. so not fair.
i feel like im not ready to give up, to let go. i know im not. i should be. why wouldnt i be?? God has proved SO much more for me.
i feel, i feel, i feel...
i could go on & on. these are my insecurities. they tie into my fears. theyre emotions. theyre not based on truth. and God wants to break them, because they are lies.
i know theyre lies, yet i still find myself struggling with them so often. im human.
BUT God is not human. and He is mighty to save. oh, How He loves us.

as i worshipped on the marietta square last night, with fellow believers, i found myself giving everything up to God. i dont want control any longer. i dont want to believe the lies that the devil is feeding me. he wants me to feel this way. i refuse. i refuse to let him take over my thoughts & emotions. i KNOW truth, but i need to start BELIEVING truth. meditating on it constantly. surrounding myself with others who are doing the same. [thank you God for community.] but this morning, i found myself worrying. which is not allowing God to take over. i guess it will be a daily battle. we are in a spiritual battle. every second. and God is more powerful. WAY. but i still have to surrender constantly if i want God to consume me. i do. so, so much. when i am satisfied in the Lord and what HE says about me, i am so incredibly joyful.


+++story time. so encouraging. i have a friend. hes awesome. and i have had the opportunity to be a light to him when he is surrounded by darkness. He knows the Lord, but is not walking in His promises, as so many arent. saddening, but so easy to get caught up in. ive been doing it for a while now. yesterday, as we were talking about things, he encouraged my heart more than anyone has lately. he said, "tessa, there is just something about you and emma that is contagious, it makes me want to be a happier person, it makes me want to seek the Lord. your joyfulness almost never leaves your presence. even when your not joyful, you are. i want to be around you and emma all the time because i cant get enough of you guys. you make everyone around you smile. and that says something..." the words arent exact. but very close. because i treasured that encouragement like never before. (emma, i hope ive told you this story before you read it here.) but man, can you believe it? you go about your days trusting in the Lord's promises and who HE says you are, and that is what is portrayed to others. God is SO good. [God, continue to strengthen my faith in you, that everyone might see this joy that my friend is talking about.] what a blessing.+++

this is such a long post. i feel like my attitude from the beginning is so gone. what great God we serve. He led me to blog, because i honestly didnt feel like it, but something was drawing me to it. duh, [thanks God.] and He changed my heart and mindset for the day through it. i am in awe by who He is. i hope you are too. blessings.

'Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
Salvation is here