this life is a journey.

"faith makes everybody scared. its the unknown, the dont know, that keeps me hanging on and on and onto You."
:lifehouse, unknown.


Oswald wrote in 'my utmost for His highest', "jealously guard your relationship with God." wow. he also says, "dont pretend to be open with Him." i think so easy for me to put my relationships before the Lord. why? He created them. He is the author of all my relationships, so shouldnt He be my beginning, my go-to, and my end? He IS my source. im learning to let go and let God. i cant, He can.


God, i know you want me all to yourself. for so long ive ignored you and allowed my relationships [idols] to take me over. & im just now getting to the place where putting you 1st is becoming more natural. i have to be able to comprehend the way you love me, before i can have that physical representation of your love & not make it into my all. you know i do that. thank you for loving me so so dearly. your love for me is being comprehended by me in the mere fact that you want me all to yourself right now. oh, sweet Jesus. thank you for your precious and unconditional love. when no one else wants me, you do. you ALWAYS do.

& thanks for growth God. youre opening up my heart to receive your plans. youre allowing me to entrust my life and wants to you. finally, im getting to a place of peace, where i really dont care what happens because it will be in your will. thank you for that peace. i asked, you gave. i desire to go Father. i want to serve you. i want to tell people about you. i know i can do it here, but will i?

God, i patiently wait for you.

Psalm 37:7
:Be still before the Lord; and wait patiently for Him.

Psalm 40:1
:I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry.

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that was an excerpt from my journal back in january. i was in tears seeing what God has done in the three months since i wrote this. He has brought me to places i never expected. He's taking me to rome this summer, and little did i know when i wrote this journal entry that ended with "i desire to go Father. i want to serve you. i want to tell people about you. i know i can do it here, but will i?" ... little did i know that He would be taking me halfway around the world to share Him in my most favorite way. worship. its raw, its Jesus' heart for those that He loves. and im so incredibly passionate about it.

thank you Jesus, sweet One, for your provision. thank You for never letting go.

OH, how He loves us.